Sunday, October 07, 2007

I feel strange tonight.

I feel...naked. Completely vulnerable to the elements, to passersby, to Fortune or God, I feel as if someoneone stripped me naked, took away every defense I possessed, every coping mechanism, and dropped me naked in the middle of Times Square, but no one's noticed me yet. ('Yet' being the operative word, here.)

Today was an okay day until we went to church, the 10:00 service. My step-son chose to go with us, which I liked, but despite his musical ability, he never sang along with any of the songs. During the sermon he was bored, distracted and fiddling with things. IOTW, a typical 15 yr old.

When we went to the grocery store afterward, his mom loaded up on frozen meatballs, Budget Gourmet frozen entrees, frozen bean and cheese burritos for him. This made me irate, as I feel she caters far too much to his food likes/dislikes. While she makes him take "no thank you bites" of many foods, I'm getting really tired of him not willing to give new foods a fair try. I'd like to enforce a "eat what's on your plate or you don't eat at all" policy, but I don't know if this is a fight I can win, especially with his mom taking his side on lots of issues.

While I was cooking dinner I blew up at him for disobeying his mom and my request he take out the kitchen trash, and my anger affected him. I went back to his room a minute or two later and asled him to come back to the kitchen, I wanted to talk with him.

I told him I reacted so strongly because he'd blown off his mom and me, and not only was this rude, but also short-circuited our efforts to raise him to be a man others could respect, including himself. I stressed the man he would be in 10 years was the man he was building right now, so his choices were critical for the next few years. I said O was ovwer my mad, that we were human and imperfect, so, yeah, we'd bump heads sometimes, but the important thing was how we handled afterward, did we care for each others' hearts. I asked him if he understood what I said, he said "Yes," so I asked him to shake my hand, which he did.

It's still difficult for me to be around him for an extended time. So much of his behavior irks me. So I guess I get to learn to love him even when he pisses me off. Especially then.



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